Oh agony within, soul level longing
Chaos surrounds a fragmented, broken world
My heart, also fragmented yet longing to be whole
Aching so great, it’s acrid taste – a painful swallowing
Deep desire for all to be well and for peace to be real.
A cry – eyes squeezed shut – a desperate clinging to hope
Please, will you come?
Rescue is needed, grasping for a redemption of this constant broken state
Pieces, shattered – this world, my expectations –
if I could somehow put it back together
I can’t seem to make it fit, make it work, make it right.
Please, will you come?
Pain that won’t let up. Bad news please stop coming
Cover my ears, turn my head, turn on the noise so that I don’t hear
Fill the schedule, paste the smile on, it will get better
It’s okay, I’m okay, we’re okay.
Shh, don’t tell anyone, but I really need you to come near.
Try hard enough, believe great enough – this too shall pass
Joy will come again – elusive peace that seems to run
It will meet me here again
Can’t stop – silence is the enemy – my thoughts take over
Rest not an option, convince my aching heart to get over it
Be grateful-stop complaining, it won’t last forever
It is so loud. the world at war, my heart in turmoil
Please, will you come?
A somber reflection of what’s real, but what’s True and what’s Truth. There is an ache within all of humanity. Whether our lives are seemingly perfect or in the most broken of states. Not one part of humanity is exempt of this longing for all to be well – for peace to finally and fully reign. I think some of us are just not willing to stop long enough to acknowledge the ache. I know I would rather try to ignore it or cover it.
There may be no other time in the year as Christmas where we become so glaringly without. How perfectly us to fill our lives with hustle and bustle to forget, ignore, and pretend all IS well. Yet, when the bows come down and the wrapping paper is thrown away and the lights become dark – where are we left? Better yet, if none of that exists because our hearts and world are too broken to even try…
Where are we left? Without hope? In darkness?
There is a better way. It requires us to be still and allow the pain to rob us of the breath we are trying to grasp. Hope becomes sweeter when tasted with the bitterness of the pain. And light is only seen brilliantly when seen in the midst of darkness.
His light shown in my darkness, and the darkness could not overcome it. I have to welcome him into my darkness. It’s the only way. We must be willing to say things are not okay – this world is really broken and I feel pretty broken along with it. God show me who you are in the midst of it.
Let’s be honest. We are all crashing into a season that is a reminder of great hope and marvelous light that shatters the darkness. And, most of us miss every time.
I want so bad for the peace of Christmas, but my anxious thoughts rage. I desire for sweet joy of the gift of family, but I can’t hear through the noise of bickering, disobedient children. I fight to be generous except all I can see is the depleted finances. I want to feel light and carefree, but I am too burdened down by my failures and broken expectations. I want to feel hopeful, but the painful fragmented and divided world I see in front me causes such disappointmentI am sorry if this makes you feel uncomfortable or feel depressed – but let’s get real and honest. I will post my beautiful Thanksgiving family picture as I did recently, but I won’t dare let you think that things are just perfect and right. I am over it.
The only rightness I feel, the only time peace truly comes and the only moments where light fills the dark spaces – is ONLY when I deal with the ugly broken state of this world and heart. When draw near to a Jesus who can handle my full state of brokenness and not turn away. I turn to a Jesus who I truly believe grieves at the broken, divided state of our world and who is ever working to reconcile and restore this world.
When I call it what it is, when I slowly – maybe a little hesitantly – lay it before his feet. Saying this is ALL I have. Take it or leave it. Maybe it’s not enough or good enough, but I have this little light that burns inside that says it will be okay because You ask for what I have – nothing more, nothing less. And although it seems like an ugly, broken mess – you smile and lift my bowed down head. You tenderly lift my chin to see straight into my eyes all the way into my heart. You remind me that you already saw it all, and still loved me and beckoned me to come near. In fact, before I could come to you – you came to me. You came near to me. You became like me in human form in the muck and the mire of this broken world. You came to all of humanity. You came in the midst of a chaotic state of world, a massacre of bodies – a war torn government. I can only imagine their longing hearts – desperately in need of truth and hope. And, then you came down to dwell. In your majesty, stripped of all you walked into our normal. You brought all of the love and peace – all of the hope. In one moment, your glorious light shattered the darkness. And, every time, I invite you in to the middle of my broken your light shatters the darkness. If I try to escape the inevitable pain of this broken world – I don’t ever get to truly experience the inevitable extravagance of your great love for me.
And your light comes and is coming and is shattering darkness.
This is advent. An awaiting – a longing within for a Savior. An ache that desires all to be well – for the darkness to shatter and peace to reign in both our inside and outside world. Advent is a space to stop and consider my brokenness, and in the midst remember His grace that came to cover it all. Over and over again. True celebration of advent is a declaration of the true state of our existence, and then a turning toward hope with expectancy.
The finality of peace and fullness of light has not yet come, all creation still waits and groans with anticipation of that final coming – of full restoration and redemption that waits on us on the other side. Yet, peace and hope in the midst of this painful world IS possible. Light in the midst of darkness does happen. However, it takes my honest and true acceptance of an imperfect world and self joining with a perfect love to find it. So, I take a moment and consider the longing – the expectancy. Will you take a moment?
“The celebration of advent is possible only to those who are troubled in soul, who know themselves to be poor and imperfect, and who look forward to something greater to come. For these, it is enough to wait in humble fear until the Holy One himself comes down to us, God in the child in the manger. God comes. The Lord Jesus comes. Christmas comes.” Deitrich Bonhoeffer