I woke up several mornings this last week desperately wishing for life to stop and freeze for few days. I want it to stop, so I can catch up. I would also love to sleep for several days straight as well. Do you ever feel like that? Things are so so busy, I can't seem to keep up.
I had every intention of writing a couple of posts last week. I like goals. I set them regularly. And these days, with three kids and more work then I could possibly handle, I don't reach my goals. I need to stop setting goals, which ironically, I have turned into a goal. Geez, I am ridiculous.
I started the week off with a case of strep. Holy cow, that was rough. The funny thing was, other than a few hours on Monday morning, I didn't rest. Bad idea. Although, I feel better - I am not 100%.
I stayed up almost every evening last week until about midnight working. Then turned around, and got up a couple of times to feed that sweet baby who chooses to only sleep for short spurts of time. This, of course, only made things worse and caused more weariness.
I look around my house, and I shiver. Really, it's that bad. Clothes cover the bedroom floor, some kind of filth is growing in my bathroom sink, clutter is everywhere, toys are regular obstacles in my path, dishes magically appear in the sink as soon at it is emptied...shall I go on?
When I get one child satisfied and happy, the next one pipes up and needs something. They are so precious.
Work projects fill every spare corner of my mind. I currently sit at Panera. I am supposed to be working. I can't focus. Too many things. Not to mention the table next to me is talking so loud...
On top of all of this is the fact that I ran headlong into my parent's anniversary today. If still alive, they would have been married 35 years today. I know better than to run weary into a day that holds tough memories and thoughts.
I am teetering on the edge of burn out, and I am worn. Ever feel like this? Maybe it's just me...
Maybe I am the only one that just keeps going and going, ignoring the signs that say "slow down". The signs that say "stop and rest".
Needless to say, this last week I have ignored the signs. I have ignored that soft voice of His that says, "child, it's too much". "Daughter, slow down". I heard that voice, and I ignored it.
In one of my last blog posts, I wrote that there are seasons where our quiet time does not look like we would hope. That we may not be granted long hours in His presence, but that through His grace and understanding - He accepts our worship through other means. When we give Him our best in all that we do - we worship Him and it is beautiful to Him. Once we realize this, and we let go of our self imposed standards of a quiet time with Him, we relax much more in His presence. And we are so much more willing to be with Him in whatever way it looks for that day.
With that said, though, there are times where we have so filled our minds and schedules that we no longer give Him our best in any area. Our heart is no longer to bring Him worship through our day to day. It is simply to accomplish a task, to survive a day, to hurry and do the next thing...and He whispers, "stop", "rest".
When you hear this, when you feel this, you have a couple of options. Listen, and stop. Receive His rest, His grace. Let Him replenish your soul, and your spirit. Do something, go somewhere that puts you in the place to be replenished and revived.
Or...you can ignore the voice, and just keep going. It's tempting, and in the moment, it's easy to do. But at the end of it is only one option...burnout.
I know in some ways this seems to be the antithesis of the blog post regarding quiet time with Him. But it's not. It really is simply finding balance, and receiving grace in ALL moments. And it's listening to His voice when He says, "you must stop and slow down".
His love is unending and His grace so incredible, so good. So sweet that He would speak to me, individually, as I need...giving me grace as I need.
And He does this for you...I pray He does this for you.
So, I am stopping. No more work tonight. It will wait another day. I will go to my car, the only place I can find quiet and be alone. And I will sit and just be...in His presence.