Our days are riddled with statuses, articles, blogs, and more that try to tell us who to be as mothers. What is best for our children? What will make them the most healthy and successful as they grow? If you are anything like me (and please be honest with yourself, you probably are ), you regularly become overwhelmed with the need to be supermom. And, what really does supermom look like? I have no idea. But, through social media, the information that we are inundated with tries to convince us of their perception and understanding of supermom. We are desperately grasping at every trend to know how to be "the best mom we can be." Stay at home? Work from home? Eat healthy! Be green! Crafts, crafts and more crafts! 10 perfect discipline tools! Follow these 5 steps to make your kids genius' before they enter kindergarten! Extracurricular activities are a must for the successful child. How to raise a happy child. 7 Signs your child loves you. And so much more!
I mean, really, these are just a few headlines. Slap "failure" on my forehead and take my children away. How can I be supermom when there are some days that the last thing I am worried about is if my child is happy - it's trying to keep myself from either locking them in the closet or myself? (Of course, I would never do either.) And let's forget the eating healthy and going green, I hate to cook and love to take full advantage of my child's love for Sonic.
Did you know that you can search "mother's guilt" online, and come up with millions of results? Why? Because it is actually a common condition. We mothers are so hard on ourselves.
I have failed thousands of times since my first one was born almost 5 years ago. And now with my third child arriving weeks away, I am scared to death that I will ruin her too. What do I know about raising a girl? I can barely handle the drama of my two boys.
I will cut to the chase, I do not know the perfect path to becoming a supermom. But I am learning a few things. God is revealing some things to me, and He is showing me truth in His Word. And, most of all, He is pulling me away from our society's worldview of supermom. I am becoming very choosy about the magazines, articles, posts and more that I read or allow to penetrate my heart.
Here are the things I have learned. Go back to Proverbs 31. But read it closely, this Godly woman had many qualities. She worked outside of the home (GASP), she also worked inside of the home (GASP, really you can do both and still be a good mom?), she was filled with joy, strength, confidence, wisdom, intelligence and more. She was responsible and dependable. She was a woman chasing after God. She not only provided for her household, but she watched over the household.
Let me point out it says nothing about specifics...what she did to arrive at those results. Just simply that how she lived her life resulted in these qualities. I believe that God shows each of us individually what our "specifics" are and how we AS AN INDIVIDUAL can reach the result of the above qualities. And I also believe that it will come through God's guidance, wisdom and His Word. NOT societies opinions...including those of your family and friends.
I am confident about at least one thing that causes us to be supermom in our children's eyes. That we love God with all of our heart, soul and mind. And that we do whatever is necessary to be healthy and balanced in our soul, mind, spirit and body (this is also from scripture, 1 Thess 5). If we do these two things, I believe God will give us wisdom and strength to be the supermom HE has called us to be.
Not only have I failed my children, I am now realizing that my own mom failed me in many ways. She's gone, and I am realizing more than ever the mistakes that she made.
Let's pause for a moment for a little transparency. I have been in counseling since February 2013. And what began as journey for grief recovery, has now turned into a healing of the depths of my soul. A need of healing that I could never have understood or known if God had not used his Holy Spirit to pair me with someone that professionally knew how to weave through the cobwebs of my soul. I asked God at the beginning to search my heart and show me what needed to be "made new". Boy, did he.
And in some of those cobwebs, was the discovery that my mom failed me just as I have already failed my little ones and will probably fail them in the future. However, because of God's grace those cobwebs will be cleaned up and I will receive the tools I need to keep them maintained - if I am diligent. And hopefully, I will do my part to be balanced and healthy - so my children receive what I believe is the best mom.
There is more God is doing and speaking in regards to this topic...I hope to write more. I heard the below song today, and I cried my eyes out for a few moments. It's my heart. I have made already thousands of mistakes, but "when I leave the room" I leave them with Jesus and I do my best. My mom made a million mistakes with me (don't worry, yours did too), some that I now I have to work through. But one thing I can say about her is that "when she left that bedroom and entered eternity" she left me with a love and knowledge of a Heavenly Father that would carry me through. I remember sitting there with her the day she passed "fingers intertwined" - my heart crying out in pain. Yet, knowing she was leaving me with the faith I would need to continue on. She did the main things right, and I hope my children can say the same thing about me.