I am continually being reminded that being in His presence is always the solution to this grief and all that burdens me. Life seems to wear us down. Coming from all sides are problems, conflicts and always they seem overwhelming. Until I am in His presence... I often find excuses to not spend time with Him. I simply do not have the energy, I am too exhausted because of my little 4 month old, I am angry today and the loss is too distracting, the list goes on and on. The last 6 months have been worse than ever, because of the typical grief cycle. You walk through denial, shock, anger, intense pain and the last thing you feel you are able to do is "process" God's Word or hear His voice. He often seems silent anyway, and not much is able to penetrate through the fog of your grief.
Needless to say there have been distinct moments in the last few months that I have been focused and "dwelling" in God's presence. It has been in the moments that I feel the most at peace, the most complete, the most comforted. I have this strong sense that He is holding me and reminding me that all will be well...as long as I am with Him.
The last few weeks have been particularly difficult. We have to go take care of my mom and dad's home and personal things in a few weeks. It causes a lot of anxiety and pain to try and picture how that is going to go or feel. Therefore, I think I am beginning to anticipate and dread the event. Thus lately creating more grief and anxiety.
God, when in His presence, continually reminds me that He is with me and that He will continue to walk with me. When I am in His presence I truly feel as though things will be okay. It's when I step out of that, when I look through my own eyes that things seem too overwhelming. Because, really, on my own it is too much - too overwhelming. I just need to be with Him more. We all need to be with Him more.
Isaiah 61:3 - "And provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor."
This is what he offers me in my grieving or anyone who is burdened and struggling. However, only if we do things His way...which is simply being with Him, walking with Him and trusting Him to carry us through. It seems so simple. Why do we not just do it? I have experienced it before. After my dad passed, I learned the only way through the grief...the only way to come out on top was to do it with Him....always with God.
He is so faithful, so true. All that He was after my dad passed, is all that He is now. No matter how much my situation changes, He never changes. A crown of beauty instead of ashes...gladness instead of mourning...praise instead of a spirit of despair. How do we receive that? By being with Him, walking with Him, living according to His plan and purposes.
God help me to stop my excuses and be with you more.
Psalm 68:19 - "Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens."