Still Here??

Wow. Who knew this little blog still existed? Not me! I recently got to thinking, I should start blogging again. Well, I don't know that I can say "again" considering I had all of two posts before I quit 2 yrs ago!

So, I am going to give this a try again. Who knows, maybe it will stick this time? What will I write about? Oh, I don't know. My journey as a mom, wife, Christ follower...really though right now, I think I would label myself "the one who grieves." That will probably be what I write about the most. This journey of mine has brought much grief. It has also brought much joy, my two wonderful children and husband. I will write about that some as well, I am sure. How can I not? They are my life!

I don't know. I just feel like I want to write about grieving well...if there is a such thing. I want to share my discoveries, my sorrows, my questions, my revelations and eventually - hopefully - my joys through this journey.

It's not that the grief defines me. At least I try not to let it, but I guess in a way it does. I guess it kind of has to at first. It makes up so much of your thoughts, your heart.

I think grieving well would be grieving as Christ would want me to grieve. So, yeah, I guess that is the focus of my journey right now. Along the way there are other stops and rides that have nothing to do with the grief - yet is touched by it. That is what I hate about grief - it touches everything. Which...is why I am trying to do it well.

I feel as though I should note...this blog will be pretty transparent...maybe a little too much at times. That is what I like about blogging. You don't have to read it if you don't want to...or you can. I just know that there have to be others like me. Experiencing loss, grief, sorrow or just life's little difficulties - and just trying to walk through in way that would honor Christ, themselves and their families. If that is you, stop here, read, share, chat with me or continue on...In a way it is like my own little book of life in all of it's ups and downs...I want to share the things I am learning.

Before I end this rambling post...a little update.

My son, Cavin, mentioned in my first post is now 3.5 - not 1.5! And he has a ridiculously, never ending vocabulary now...seriously...he loves to talk...all of the time. He now has a little brother, Paxton, who is almost 4 months old. He doesn't talk as much, but is active - sweet as can be - although a little temperamental. :)

My precious mom, who I mentioned in my second post, passed away this past March. She fought hard for two years. God gave us the healing we prayed for, but it wasn't the way we wanted it. Her healing has come the ultimate way - eternity with Christ. I wanted her healed and whole here - with us - for a long time to come. However, she is walking the streets of eternity with my dad (passed 5 yrs ago). I am beginning to be able to appreciate that they are together - healed and whole - with God. But I miss them with every breath, trying to figure out how to do life well without them. Thus, my little label, "the one who grieves". Five long years of grief...one day though, restoration and joy is coming. I can't see or feel it, but it is a deep abiding confidence in the One who saves. That is where my journey is heading, friends. Restoration and joy in my Savior. I get glimpses, but one day it will be a light so bright that the darkness of grief will be covered. That day, I feel, will be when I reach eternity. But until then, the desire - the strive, is for the light (which is oh so dim) to become bigger and brighter as I "journey" on through life. I know God is faithful.

Going to bed thinking about that light. Oh, Father, may it grow brighter than the darkness. I know with you, it can!